Anyone who in normal everyday life gets what may be little panic attacks, can probably relate to what follows.
They seem to occur at random, and in my case usually went unnoticed by anyone standing by. They varied in intensity, with kind of a grip, squeeze and release scenario. Time, seemed to be the only answer to recovery.
I’ve always compared it to what happens to a small puddle of water, when suddenly out of the blue, a great big boot comes along and stomps in it, sending the water, (you) scattering everywhere. And, it takes a little while, an hour or two, for you to re-gather yourself as your wits slowly seep back into place.
My little “Momentary seizures” weren’t debilitating, in as much as I could still function fairly normally afterward, so I managed to do OK by just going with the flow. I’d fret a little, analyze a little, surrender at times, but in a while the water always seeped back into place, and all was back to normal.
Years ago, my parents told the story about how that once when they came home from a night out, and asked the babysitter how it went with me, a toddler, while they were gone. The young lady responded, “No problem at all. He spent the whole night standing there behind that door!”
In my late twenties, while in Germany working as a civilian at a military base, a strange thing happened. An older friend, a lady whose family I was visiting, was leaning over her kitchen sink, facing away from me when she said once, then confirmed it by saying again, “It’s fear.” It was as if she was answering a question that I hadn’t even asked out loud. I think the question was, what is the elephant in the room? That crazy thing that I just couldn’t figure out.
I dealt with this “Elephant” throughout mid-life using the “Tough guy” approach, gritting my teeth and pushing through. It worked, but the root problem went unattended. I believe we have to find, or more aptly put, be found by Divine Love, at our very core, which requires faith and trust on our part. Pretty much what it’s all about I guess. Strange that after having been a Christian for forty-two years, I feel like I’m only now beginning to scratch that surface. There’s always more I guess.
Lead us oh God, to trust from the heart, and to move freely without fear, knowing that when in your hands, there is nothing to fear.
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